my favourite alphabet.

i am very difficult to please.
i am very difficult to love.
don't love me.
because in your eyes,
there's only what other people will think,
what your past has done to you,
and how you feel, not being able to come to terms of ur emotions.
idk what more am i to you.
i cannot ask any more questions,
-i've used up my questions.
cux u'll just flare,
and sweep it under the carpet.
dont you remember what mother theresa said?
dont you remember how difficult it was to change my mentality?
dont you remember the addiction?
don't you remember we still need sugar spice and everything nice?

it was nice knowing you afterall. :')
i've never regreted falling fer you,
it wasnt something i could have controlled.
i told you; i cannot control myself around you.
i'm sorry i pushed it too far.
one tenth a decade later,
i still dont know who are you.
i'm sorry. i tried. i could have tried harder.
but my heart's weary.
my soul's laden, not because of you
but because i fell fer you,
knowing i'd never have your heart.
i have to let myself go.
i have to unshackle you,
set you free.
i have to let me breathe again.
i cannot keep crying cux you dont turn up.
i cannot keep having mood swings cux you "ignore" me.
i cannot solely live fer you every second of this one tenth a decade.
i cannot have you plastered all about my mind,
while i only own that tiny space at the back of your mind.
i cannot think fer you;
but compromise myself, my emotions.
i cannot gut my emotions, just because you dont wanna talk abt it.
i'm not as good as you.
i cannot pretend as if nothing's wrong,
when the entire picture is wrong.
i cannot still be living in my own bubble;
thinking you'd one day love me back.
i have to let me live.
i have to.

i love you,
even if you cant see/feel it,
it'll accumulate to one more person in your world who
truly truly cares for you, and truly loves you.
you could go on see-ing only how others judge you,
you dont have to witness any of it,
when someone truly cares for u;
usually the naked eye cant detect.
only ur heart would tell you the truth.
ily.