they don't see that i've been keeping to myself lately.
they dont see that i'm no longer my bubbly self.
they dont realise that my glow's stubbed out.
all they think off me is ; everything about brina is about having fun/ partying.
they don't realise that i'm already affected by all these negativity.
they think that i'm too stupid to feel anything even.
they don't see the sacrifices i made ; just to minimize the jeopardy.
i wouldnt say i'm disappointed at how well they know me ;
when they shood already do.
i don't hold much hope.
i don't even bother changing their mentality of who i really am.
afterall ; i'm never good enough.
afterall ; i only know how to have fun.
now that i'm weakened, ; who's there to gimme strength.
they don't even bother paying attention to the joys in me that's shifted.
they don't even realise that afterall these pressure they put on me ;
they're causing me to dwindle even deeper ;
i'm losing myself even more ;
i forgot how it is being myself.
i forgot how it feels being loved. - honestly.
all everybody wants is a piece of me ;
i don't even know where i belong.
i don't even know if i'm even loved anymore.
it sucks to be me.
but i'm the only thing i have left.
idk. if he'll stand by me.
thru these hard times ; my dependancy could grow on him.
that's my greatest fear.
if been so afraid to get hurt that i've been shutting everyone out.
even my girlfriends who i know wouldnt do so.
but i just cant find any reasons to smile.
how the fuck am i gonna climb outta this pit?
i'm scared.
scared when he says ILY.
i'm scared.
scared that one day he too has to leave me like the rest.
i'm scared.
scared when i build a new bridge.
i'm scared.
now that i've lost everything ;
i'm scared to lose my sanity.
i'm scared of lonely.
i'm scared on laying on a shoulder, i know i could rely on.
i'm scared that one day ; i've nothing left of me.
i don't know what's to love of me anymore.
i don't like the sound that silence makes.
all i want is a peaceful life.
all it seems is that peace and brina can never happen in the same sentence.
